Running on empty

There are days you have nothing more to give, you are empty and yet you keep walking, talking and moving, you do because you have too, The option to stop and play dead isn't there, This last few weeks I've kept moving.
Ever have one of those days you would swear that someone up there had a clipboard with a pen saying "wonder what he/she would do if we do this?" just like a rat in a maze with scientists looking at them?
I've had several weeks of that.. I know what should be because of prayer and personal revelation, but I don't know how or when and then there is the 2nd guessing myself..
And the big craving to just tell the world to leave me alone and hide.. Can't do that. there is no one to depend on me except me..
So I'm running on empty trying to find where I Belong.. I know home is not here, Not many understand that statement.. But my dear friend who I spent Saturday said the same thing about her place in this world.. It was ok but she wasn't home, and she wasn't sure where to find it.
To top things off I now have to figure out how to get a car, my own did not pass the smog inspection.
I wanted to get my bills paid off (there are not many) and move out of here. But a car?? I wanted to go debt free..and 4 paychecks would put me there. Now, I'm going to have to go with a debt..
And then there is that GO WHERE??
My prayers have been to go where I am supposed to be, that sense of urgency has hit again..
I'd love to go to where my one son is, but I also know I'd be treated like a wayward child with no brains and He'd be ticked when I wouldn't drop my plans to babysit..
The other is tougher, it's with a controlling sister near by and that would drive me nuts, I went through a childhood of being questioned, teased and ridiculed for my off beat thinking, but yet, I know it's come up to go there..
I can only think of one good reason too, I love the eastern Thunder storms..and the lightening bugs.
So tonight I'm running on empty, I want God to just hit me with a bolt of lightening and Say ok this is where and what you are going to do.. but that won't happen, there is this thing called free agency..
So maybe if I'm lucky, He'll just drop a stone tablet with the directions for me??