nothing hurts worse then losing a child.
and my heart is breaking at today when I lost my daughter.
She hasn't died, she has ceased to exist in my life by her choice.
Since her father and I have divorced it's been a rough patch.
BUT HEY Dad has changed!! and she is now his Nanny with his new children and new wife.
I rarely heard from her anyways, including Mother's Day, My Birthday, Christmas etc.
She claims she forgot to call, but mentions she bought her step mother flowers...
and today she let me know she is more their family than mine.
So I let her go.. I have no choice.
I stood by her when her choices weren't always what I'd want for her, I helped her when she needed it and was her champion when her Father wrote her off, but today, She chose to not have me in her life.
I complicate things..because I asked to hear from her once in awhile.. My heart is breaking..
Funny, I'm not the Mom that calls constantly, But I always stopped everything I was doing to talk when she called and jumped in to help when she asked, yet I'm a intrusion on her life now.
I send Birthday cards, Cards for the heck of it and Christmas cards and presents for all those important days, and today she let me know she wanted me out of her life..
Sometimes you lose a child, and it's not to death...
I think this way is worse, because in Death you know you'll see them again.
I guess I could understand it if I was a Mom who abused her, was a alcoholic, druggie something!
but I am not. I have never judged her, and was always there when she called for help.
But now, I'm not good enough because with her Dad and New stepmom She has that pretend life of The perfect Family..

Happy 51st Birthday my Friend..
You are missed and I find it hard to believe we are going on 2 years that you are gone.

I read you became a grandfather.. how wonderful.. if only you had been able to stay here and see him.. He's beautiful.
I on the other hand will always have a Charlie in my life. I have a grandson with your name. It keeps me reminded of you and lets me know Heavenly Father keeps some people alive in your life long after they've been called home.
He or his parents have no idea what the name means to me. But I do.
I miss you beyond measure mostly today as it's your Birthday and if we traveled back in time, we would be together celebrating it..
I miss you. Charles 01/15/58-04/13/07